Our friend Mark Graban at the Lean Blog has started to coin the term "LAME" for "lean as misguidedly executed" in an attempt to describe those people and companies that claim to be implementing lean manufacturing but really have no clue. But what about managers that don’t even care and simply want to keep up with the buzzwords? Steve Crescenzo at the Corporate Hallucinations blog has written a column on how to fake six sigma. Just what the world needs… more managers that fake it.
In my column, I go into great detail about how we need to learn Six Sigma, if we ever want to run with the big dogs in the organization. And there are two ways we can learn it: We could actually take the Six Sigma training. But it’s probably real boring. That’s why I like option number 2, which I call the ‘Crescenzo Method of Six Sigma.’ My method can be summed up in five words: ‘Bullshit your way through it.’
Now I know why I bump into so many managers that simply don’t care… they read Steve’s blog instead of Mark’s or ours. Bryan over at Management-Issues has a similar analysis.
But to really shine as a Six Sigma bluffer, use multiple abbreviations in one sentence: "I’ve got a Six Sigma team drilling down to get the RCA. Once we uncover it, we’ll have several PCA options, and we’ve already implemented a PSTS in order to make sure we don’t have a repeat occurrence. It only takes a few abbreviations to make you appear just like a know-it-all Six Sigma "black belt."
Sadly it probably works, at least long enough for them to convince someone to let them climb another rung on the corporate ladder, letting the poor souls left behind to deal with the wreckage of LAME… or perhaps SSAME in this case.
Here is how you nail those SSAME idiots to the wall. When they start running their mouth ask them to explain the difference between a leptokurtic and platykurtic distribution.
Dawn Champnella says
I have to say that I’m a black belt and I’ve had a lot of training and experience with Lean…my take…stay far, far away from those who do nothing but speak the jargon of the programs. 9 times out of 10 (in my experience), those are the BS people. They want everyone to think the really know how to use the tools of the programs, when really, if you asked them to train others or (God forbid) actually implement something, they high tail it in the other direct.
It’s the ones with the quiet passion that actually get things done. Thanks to all who can actually take a kaizen suggestion and get it done.
My company is going to this BS soon We already use iTIL and have f*&cked that into a heap of sh^t.Now this! What the F! More fluffy BS to give management and ass kissers something to play f around with. Foget aboud it!
Sam I am says
Dose anybody know of an oil and gas company that claims to be a six sigma company?
I might be off my hinges, but I am sick and tired of people coming to me asking to implement SS in the oil company I work for the Persian Gulf. I always ask them if they know exactly how delighted the customers are with the crude oil they buy from us, and instantly thier brains go into automatic shut down. What the heck is the customer value we are creating? I can go take a dump in the tankers and they will still take it.
Most meat heads here think that it is all about writing some usless procedures and then getting some part timer to audit them and they get a certificate to frame on the wall and celebrate like they just won the world series. When I tell them there is no certificate, they leave my office like its on fire.